ho-hum

Remember me? It's been awhile. I just haven't had much energy to post. Lost in the hub-bub of life. More my self pity..I've been super depressed. typical when the weather changes to shit. I have to keep myself together for my family. They need me, but all I want to do is sleep. I have no motivation.

I started a 90 day biggest Loser program and it's kicking my butt. I haven't been as diligent as I should For the money I paid and the results that I have been getting in such a short time, I should rock it. I just...ugh

I need to quit smoking. I have been an off and on again smoker since I was 20. This last time I hit them hard. Leaning on them for everything my mind doesn't want to face. And the thing is, my life isn't bad. Not bad at all. Self Loathing for nothing.

Hannah was so sick for so long from Sept to just a week ago she had tubes put in her ears. 7 wks of getting up 6x a night (thankfully hubby split time, but it adds up). She is a whole different child now that she is feeling better, but in that time I kept falling deeper in an exhaustion filled ditch.

Her first birthday is coming up and I feel guilty that I dont have the energy or money to make it a big bash. AJ had so many balloons he was lost in them. So far I have only ordered her cake and set a date. I need to get invites out to the elder generations, cause that is all we are inviting.

She is allergic to milk and that has come to be more difficult to get around. Everything has milk in it.

I'm cranky and tired and taking it out on AJ whom I can't stand his whining. I'm raising my voice more and more and I hate it. His selective hearing is driving me nuts.


hugs to all.

I've been trying to keep up and am happy for those mommy's to be. Seems like everyone I know is pregnant on line and in "real" life.