Saturday, November 28, 2009

more baby drama

spent some time in maternity last night.

no contractions,but horrible vaginal pain. Hannah is sitting so heavily on cervix that the nurse was able to feel her bottom. I am almost 2 cm. dilated. I had the choice of staying at the hospital on complete strict dont sit up or get out of bed except to pee, bed rest or do it at home...with Bug I said,. home please.

now even laying down hurts. I thought the point was to help stop gravity by laying down...not really working.

Nurses were like, we need to get you to 36 wks to keep you locally. But I am so afraid that my Peri will say...suck it up. Keep her in until the amnio. I am in so much pain. Just take her damn it. But with no contracts and no change in dilation...they want to wait until something happens.

Monday, November 23, 2009

35 wks & PUPPPS

Had one of my twice weekly appts. today. I still haven't gained anymore weight. Not complaining there. Results of blood work were negative for Cholestasis. thank God. But new rashes that have recently appeared along with the continued itching points to a diagnosis of PUPPPS.

PUPPPS stands for pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy.

Or in other words, an extremely annoying rash that covers my entire body, and itches so bad I scratch uncontrollably. There really isn't any way of getting rid of it, other than having Hannah.

My GD insulin has gone up yet again and am told some of the cream I am to use to help with relief from PUPPP may cause my sugars to go higher...need to keep an eye on it.

I begged and begged to have Hannah next week at 36 wks. but was told that it was way too early. the Peri was super nice. He totally felt for me. He said we can do an amnio at 37 wks to test lung development. So I can potentially have Hannah in two weeks. the week of Dec. 7th.

Pray that her lungs are great. I can't take this itching much longer. I slept through most of last week. Literally. day and night. skipping meals and snacks or eating a cop-out of a meal and not taking sugar count. GD specialist L was sympathetic but prescribed a different med to help with the rash other then Benadryl so I wasn't so drowsy. I didn't want to tell her sleeping the week away was fine by me.

But Bug does have the rest of the week off from school, so that really wouldn't work in our favor. That is my biggest guilt is missing out on so much with him.

Hugs to all.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

34 wks and more crap

Good news is I am 34 wks. YeeHaw.

Bad news is I had to have blood work done yesterday to determine if I have Cholestasis of Pregnancy.

What is Cholestasis of Pregnancy:

Cholestasis of pregnancy is a rare condition that results from a liver problem. Roughly 2 percent of pregnant women may develop this condition, which occurs when bile fails to flow normally in the small ducts of the liver. This results in bile salt accumulation in the body and can cause excessive itching. This itching is more intense than other forms of itching. Some women scratch so severely they end up with small tears in the skin. (I am miserable. I feel like I have chicken pox without the pox or rash. Or better yet like I have creepy crawlies all over me)

This problem like many other pregnancy related skin conditions clears shortly after delivery. In some cases your doctor may recommend an early induction depending on the severity of your condition.

So. I am waiting for the results. But man I itch and nothing helps.

My insulin was yet again increased. I now have to go into the city twice a week for u/s for baby wellness and one time per week for the GD specialist.

I've been really depressed. miserable really physically and mentally. I feel like I am holding on by a thread. One moment I feel like I am getting used to what is thrown at me and then the next comes something else and I want to scream, kick and cry. SOB.

This pregnancy has been one of the most challenging things I have every gone through. I wish all the medical issues didn't take away from the excitement of having a little girl.

I am so scared that after she is born I will be more relieved then joyful to have her in my arms.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

quick exhasuted update

So, I haven't been on here much. I've read other's post, but not much commenting. sorry about that.

I am so tired. Tuesday will mark 34 wks. I can't believe I am that far along. I didn't think it would happen.

But I hurt. It hurts to stand. It hurts to lay down. It hurts to sit. It hurts to walk.

It's all good. she'll be here before I know it.

So forgive me if I am not on much. I am so tired. I have pregnancy brain. I can't remember much. I can't think past my nose.

Monday, November 9, 2009

good day

Had a great OB appt. Even tho I was an hour late. OOPSY. I marked it wrong on the calendar. But they got me in quick and out quick. baby is doing great. I'm measuring well and she sounds wonderful. My doc was like WOW you look great. Tired (but that is to be expected) She was like. Can you believe you have made it this far. It was totally encouraging.

My GD appt was kinda bummy cause, my GD specialist was out sick again. So I met with the nutritionist in her place. I'm spoiled...I want my people. I dont like subs. But oh well. She has been ill since Friday. I hope she gets better soon.

My insulin doses have increased because my morning fasting and breakfast numbers continue to be high. Not overly so now, but just over the desired numbers. We want them more in the middle range. I'm getting used to the shots. I actually feel much better on them. I think the insulin is making a huge difference. I dont feel so sick.

My doc is right I am tired. so tired. I wish I could just sleep in tomorrow and not wake up until my body is ready to. Not bladder, but body. I was up so much last night with trips to the bathroom. Looking forward to that aspect of the pregnancy to be done with. I think we would have done awesome if we got stock in TP for these past 8+ months. we would be rich.

Only 6 wks and 1 day at the most until we meet Hannah. Her kicks and movements are so strong now. I can picture a little being. Bug whispered to me today that he can't wait for Christmas cause that is when baby Hannah will be here. I whispered back, me either. I can't wait. !!!! I can't wait to see him with her. I can't wait to see Hubby holding her. So small in his big hands. I simply can't wait.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

shootin' up.

So last week my GD specialist put me on insulin. I actually cried. Not because I had to go on shots. I'm just super tired. One more thing. But it's actually (despite the whole shot thing) has worked out better then the pill.

I dont have to plan a half hour ahead of meals. I can just take the shot and eat. Unfortunately we still dont have the doses down so we are still adjusting the amount.

I'm slowly getting used to injecting myself four times a day. Not fun. But it helps to have Bug around so I dont hesitate. He is having his flu shot next week. I want him used to the needle and be like...mommy does this everyday. Hope it works.

I go back to the GD on Monday for a follow up. Then to the OB in the afternoon. Next week is pretty busy with appt. I'll be 33 wks on Tuesday. We are getting closer.

Does anyone have a cat that has grown totally attached to you when pregnant. I dont know what it is, but Sophie my 3yo kitty follows me everywhere. She even braves getting on the bed when hubby is in bed (big no no) and will lay right on me. I go to the bathroom. she is right behind me. I sit on the couch and she is either right on me or sitting on the back of the couch right next to my head. It's like she knows. She has even gotten to the point of kidnapping a beanie baby souvenir from MIL room and carrying it around the house, like its her baby. Never has she done this or anything like it before. It's so weird.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Today's appt. brought tears

Not a great week for my body. Official-- stay off your feet ---bed rest and I met with the GD doc today and now have moved onto insulin, four times a day. I know I did my best to keep my sugars down. I followed the rules. I did what I was told and it still wasn't good enough. My placenta rules my body. I know it's not my fault but I couldnt help tear up. I said to my FIL tonight, I just wish something would go right this pregnancy. He wisely said. "Something has. You are 32 wks pregnant. Hannah is healthy and still in there. It's been a challenge, but you are at 32 wks and you are still pregnant. To me that is pretty right." WOW. I needed that. He is right. I'm still pregnant.

I did my first shot tonight before dinner. was slightly freaked out. and then Bug busted into the room and Mike tried distracting him and I was like...I can't show Bug I am freaking out (or he'll freak out) so i just did it. The action didn't really hurt, it was afterward that stung a little. I guess, much like the zillion finger pricks a day, I will get used to this too.

We also had an u/s. Hannah is doing awesome. she weighs 4.5 pounds, which cracks me up cause that is all I have gained. everything about her is perfect. And it was cool that the u/s tech was the tech that I saw weekly in the beginning when Hannah was just a blob. It was cool that she got to see her so close to her due date.

Bug had his sibling class today. He didn't seem too in it, but once we went into the maternity part and he saw a room that Mommy could be in and a real live 30 minutes old baby boy he was so excited. He told me before bed that he loves Hannah and can't wait to see her. That was very touching.

I'm still tired and emotional. Hubby and I are doing better. He was really supportive today. Hillary said it best in a comment on my previous post.."Sometimes when words are too difficult, a good hug with the hubby just helps bridge the hurt and misunderstandings."

So true.

I did get my hug today.

32 wks plus 2 days

I've gotta confess I am so down right now. Depressed really. I am pleased I am so far along. Pleased that if I do go into labor now, my baby girl will be ok. due to the fetal something test I had done last weekend when I went into maternity with contractions, I know that I have at least another week reprieve. I'll at least go to 34 wks. But honestly I think she is in for the long haul.

I hurt. I am hormonal and emotional. watching the world around me continue. I attacked my husband last night verbally when all I was trying to do is explain how I feel. It went all wrong and for the first time in almost ten years we went to bed angry or maybe hurt is more like it. Hurting Mike wasn't my intention. I am just going crazy and losing all ability to communicate properly.

I'm off to my u/s and GD appt. I am anxious to see my little girl.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

scary Moment

yesterday I woke up like usual. I watched a cartoon with Bug and felt what I thought were Braxton Hicks. No biggy. I got Bug ready for soccer b/c hubby is sick. Took him to soccer cause who else would do it since hubby is sick. I'll just sit there anyways right.

I was uncomfortable, but that could have been the mist of rain and wind. The game went quick. By the time we were in the car I was nauseous. Made the short ride home. tightening in belly, run to the bathroom bm issues. nauseous and bm...PRETERM LABOR right. I get to the bedroom. I am doubled over and we call the dr. they have me come in.

More of the same while there at the maternity ward. But it's not registering. dr. says this early that isn't abnormal. All test come back fine. Hannah is fine. great actually. But I still felt crappy.

The dr. on call (same practice as my dr.) told me I am back on the couch, no getting up. so I guess it's back to the craziness. he said that it could be a virus. But I have no fever and feel fine...minus the tightening hard belly. He said that I probably did too much when I got the go ahead to move about the house. I need to make an appt. with dr. L. on Monday to check in with her and tell her about this weekend. I wasn't suppose to see her for two weeks. oh well.

I felt so alone yesterday, even though hubby was right there with me. Lost in my own mind. I wish my mother was alive. I wish my family didnt live so far away and cared more. not out of sight out of mind. I've been on bed rest for two months now and no one has visited me. i take that back. My MIL bff bought me a book and brought it over for a short visit. and my FIL pops in to help around the house and to say hi. but doesn't ever stay long enough to fill the gap of my own father not coming. I love my husband so much. He does so much for me. He tries so hard to fill those gaps but the man is human and it simply can't be done.

More later. i am so tired. Emotionally and physically. But yesterday was scary and as much as I want her out. I want her healthy. I want her to stay in as long as possible.