Tuesday, June 30, 2009

life goes on and I'm hanging on for dear life.

I haven't really done much blog wise, besides read all yours. Haven't been feeling chatty.

I've been feeling like crap-o-la. sleeping alot. Nausea hasn't gotten better but worse. I am not sure if that is because I am no longer taking folbee which was for blood mutation. High Risk doc said I no longer needed it for the safety of the baby. But it was full of vit. B6 and B12 which helped with nausea. My OB gave me some pills half the size of tic tacs that were working but caused horrible headaches. I stopped taking them. thus here comes more nausea. I have to brush my teeth in the shower for fear of throwing up. Hasn't been fun.

Bug continues to be clingy. If I have the laptop on my lap he will try to move it to lay his head in it's place. If I try to walk away he will wrap his arms around my foot and rest his head there. I walk around the house doing stuff and he follows me as if he is my shadow. He chooses not to go anywhere with his grandmother unless I go. Even if he wants to go. Bug talks alot about the baby. He has started calling it Hannah. the name we picked out for a girl. He knows Tommy is the boys name, but still only calls the baby Hannah. He really wants a girl.

Nothing knew with the baby. I can't fit into my regular pants. I am not comfortable laying down on my left side (uterus side) sometimes I cheat and lay on my back for a short period and then back to my right side. I got a body pillow to help with comfort. not helping much. I'm not really enjoying teh pregnancy as much as I enjoyed Bugs. Can't put my finger on it. Dont know if it's because I am depressed, have no money to buy things (or maybe this time around I dont want to buy useless items that new time moms think they MUST have.)or if it's because I know the risk factors where as with Bug I was blind to my bodies betrayal.

I mean we dont really have the room right now. We are going to be splitting the "nursery" with the den. so half the room will be a crib and bureau/changing table and the other half a desk with the computer and sewing desk/tv. with Bug I had a whole room done up with one theme, with matching everything. It was gorgeous. that was in our old house. I lent that set to my SIL who left it behind in the divorce...bitch. I asked her to get it. But she just didn't feel like it. Hundreds of dollars down the drain. her ex even moved it to his new apartment for her to pick up. She didn't. When he bought his own place (we were no longer talking) I have no idea what happened to it.

I am looking forward to fourth of july at my brother's camp. I've been so uncomfortable I can't wait to get in the water and just float. It's been icky here in Maine for weeks. Rain, rain, rain, and more rain, so I am sure the water will be freezing. But at this point I dont care. It will feel great on my achy body. I just hope it doesn't rain.

Enough babbling...if you kept reading this far...thanks....I haven't been fun to read lately.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

near freak out

had my regular 14 wk visit with my OB yesterday (even tho I am 13 wks she is on vacation next wk) Everything is going well. I have actually lost 2 pounds due to lovely morning sickness all day. we are chatting and she says lets hope up and listen to that baby.

Yeah not as good as an u/s but works for me. She couldnt find it. I think I had a slow creep of panic cross my face because she immediately said, Dont freak out if we dont here it. That is normal. I ask even if we heard it three wks ago. Yup she said. But then we immediately find the heart beat.

I can breath. Dont do that to me baby.

newest craving...bananas.

This is funny because for as long as I can remember I hate bananas. Like really hate them. Their taste. their texture. their smell. yuck.

I have at least three a day. yum.

Advice needed...

Bug is so clingy. right now he is sitting practically on my lap watching Kenny the Shark. His elbow is propped on my arm making it hard to type. His hip is plastered to mine. Often he will lay across my lap. He wont let his dad do anything. it has to be me. I love him. I love the attention...but come on. I can't even sit on the toilet or take a shower without him right there. The other day he sat on the edge of the tub while I showered. come on.

He will even randomly say his belly hurts. Like mine after I eat or when I am nauseous.
any ideas.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Kindergarten step up day

I have to apologize to you all, I dont have photos. I can NOT find my camera. It is always an arms length away and for the life of me I cant find it. The last time I had was at the park for Bug's t-ball awards. I think it's in hubby's truck. God I hope not. we will never find it then....

so yesterday was step up day for Bug. It's a time for him to meet his K teacher Ms. D (who also had my hubby for K) and other classmates, see his classroom for next year and take a short ride on a school bus WITHOUT mommy.

It went super well. Our next door neighbor has a little girl, S, just a couple weeks younger then Bug. She will be in his class. Which is awesome. Nice little security buddy. They were so cute when they were holding hands and got onto the bus. Sat in the third seat back together. I so wish I had my camera.

After the bus ride all the kids came jumping off the bus into their parents arms to tell them about their adventure. Not my Bug. He saw me and went right into the school. ok. I felt so big. I think I was having a harder time then him.

While others were making their way down to the classroom Bug decided he had to pee. So he went into the boys room all by himself and 2o seconds later I heard. Mommy I am stuck. He had locked himself in and couldnt get out. I couldnt get him out in time before he crawled under the door and off he was. I was dying with laughter.

In the classroom he again ditched me for S. and activities on the shelf. I was dismissed to the library with all the other anxious parents. When the time was up we were told we could go check in on our kids and go from there. I was the first out the door.

got into the classroom and again ignored. He didnt want to go. When we left he was bouncing off the walls. He has asked 101 times since when Kindergarten starts. I had to laugh. step up day was the day after the last day of school. Summer vacation. so. he has to wait all summer.

again sorry no pics. I hate that camera. But it does the trick. wish I knew where it was.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

great dr. appointment

Sorry it's taken so long to post about the appointment.

I had an amazing ultra sound. I even have a picture of the baby waving. Plus since hubby couldnt be there, as usual, I got a dvd of the entire ultra sound so he can see it.

The high risk ob said everything looks great. My favorite line...you are pregnant. He said I can stop taking two of my meds and he thinks I will go to at least 36 wks since Bug (after stopped preterm early on) went that far. Bug stretched the uterus. Dr. P. is 95% sure that I will have a healthy baby. He said no need for cerclage since he felt with my test and ultra sounds that I would carry farther then last time. He better be right!!!

I can breath.

Friday, June 19, 2009

fun "dream"

I found myself on my stomach last night. I didn't stay there long. I could feel the hard ball of the uterus and baby and it woke me up. Then I dreamed that I felt the baby move. When I woke up I tried finding the hard ball. Found it but no moving. I wonder if I felt it for real or if I just dreamed it.

I came into the living room this morning to a discussion between Bug and Grana (live in MIL) about how Bug wants the baby to be a girl. He kept saying it over and over. It was adorable. I again told him that it was up to God whether the baby was a girl or a boy and we would love the baby either way. (no need to mention it is up to daddy's sperm. LOL) He said ok. but I still want a girl baby.

I had severe morning sickness yesterday. It was like a family event. Hubby was shaving for work. I was bent at the toilet. Bug couldn't keep his eyes off me. He was concerned but more curious. Later in the car on the way to preschool he re-told the story about how he throw up on Daddy's leather chair last year. The kid cracks me up.

Have an appointment today with the high risk OB office in the city. My OB wants a consultation to address how my care will be (u/s and delivery). My local hospital doesn't have a NICU or appropriate equipment so they want me to check in with high risk office to determine how to approach it all.

I am going to see if I can have them squeeze in an u/s sound today or at least hear the HB. It's been going on three weeks now. I need to hear my baby. ease my mind. Then it is off to get maternity clothes. Fun times.

Have a good day all.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


I'm currently watching free-birth on Discovery Heathy.

OK. so I am all for peoples own choice...

My opinion about free-birth.


With all the difficulties I have had with becoming pregnant as well as the birth of Bug.

I can't imagine putting myself and baby in danger with unassisted birthing.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

hannah it is & big brother Anthony

we have agreed that we love the name hannah. Now it's a waiting game to learn the gender.
I dont like waiting.

It amazes me how little energy I have. The littlest amount of energy used zaps me. I dont like it.

Bug has been great. He has dropped to three half days at preschool. I feel like he is home all the time now. this morning he created a new cookie recipe and had me write it down and he taped it to the stove.

3 spoon fulls of salt (which cracks me up cause we never use salt)
cookie batter (what? instant batter?)
Hershey syrup (to make the cookie chocolate)
M&M's (they go in everything)

He cracks me up. He says he wants to be a garbage man when he grows up. But really I think he is going to be the next baker. Move over Duff here comes Bug.

Monday, June 15, 2009

baby names help.

OK so for months we have had the name of our potential baby all figured out.

Boy: Thomas Elliot C.

Girl: Harper Elayne C.

Thomas is hubby family name 3+ generations deep

Elayne was my Mom's name but spelled the way my sister's middle name is spelled.

The problem now is the name Harper.

This weekend my sister asked us what we would name the baby. I gave her the initials. Instead of Harper she guessed Hannah. This triggered a huge thinking process for Hubby and I. We like Hannah.

We like it a lot.

problem... we like both Hannah and Harper equally.

What are your thoughts?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

the family

We are so proud of Bug. He had multiple parts in the graduation where he got up to the microphone and recited his lines. I wouldnt have been able to remember what he did. It's amazing. He is amazing. The picture quality stunk in the school gymnasium if you were far away like we were, so I dont have real good pics. But this is now my all time favorite picture.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

preschool graduation

Today was amazing.

More to come.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

drop off drama

Bug is killing me. Crying at drop off at preschool.

His latest is that he need medicine before preschool. A bug stick for bug bites needs to go with him ever where like a security blanket or a stuff. A stuffy would be so much easier. It's ridiculous.

We spoke to his preschool director and she has agreed to let us keep him in for 3 half days a week through out the summer for only 45 dollars. This will keep him on a routine before Kindergarten and show him he can't manipulate the situation.

he is killing me. I just want to cuddle him and keep him home. But that wont help him in the long run. UGh. the kid is smart. manipulative in an innocent way.

pray that I survive this stage in his cute little life.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

everyday stuff...bug

not much to add lately. We are struggling with Bug to get him to preschool. I have no idea what his problem is, but he is done. We were going to pull him in July. But I am seriously thinking about pulling him at the end of this month after his preschool graduation. that way we dont have to pay the outrages summer activity fees. The neighbor's kids will be home this summer. S who is the same age as Bug and will be in his K class. With me not working we could use the 125 we pay per week for preschool/daycare.

we told Bug last night that Mommy was having a baby. His response, "Today?" I wish. He kissed my belly goodnight and asked "does that make the baby smile?" It was so cute.

I've started walking with my MIL. she keeps dragging my arse out. I tell her I hate it, but secretly I feel good that I get out. Even if I do hate walking.

Bug wants me to help him find a Laurie Berkner song... write later.

Monday, June 8, 2009

so much to do....

....not enough energy or ambition to do it.

Friday, June 5, 2009

I made it

I'm half way through week 10. I heard my babies heart beat earlier in the week.

Today I had the last of my weekly u/s. Now. I am like every other pregnant lady...RIGHT.

Next appointment is in four weeks. FOUR weeks. wow. In the last five out of seven days I have had a doc appointment. It's been insane. I'm nervous about going four weeks without a weekly check to make sure everything is ok. It's going to be interesting.

But all is good. I still am not eating the way I should. thought of food is ick. Then when I do eat I am so hungry I stuff myself and feel like crap afterward. Not quite got the balance of it yet.

happy weekend to all.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Guess what I heard....

I heard the baby's heart beat today!!!!!!

I'm so excited.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

everyone is sick...but me

even the cat is sneezing. Hubby went to bed early, he looked like crap. grana (MIL) had been sick all day. bug and I had a great day yesterday but his allergies and growing pains woke him in the middle of the night. As I was heading back upstairs after sitting with him and rubbing his feet out comes grana. Tears and looking very ill. she hurries to the bathroom and vomits several times.So I stay up with her.

Knock on wood, I am feeling ok. tired, but what is new right.

Monday, June 1, 2009

not much

not much new to tell. OB physical for "new" patients was canceled due to Dr. being in OR. second time out of three visits this has happened since going with her. arg. But good news was I was so tired that I was kinda grateful it was canceled. rescheduled for tomorrow with NP instead of Dr. works for me.

Bug stayed home again today. No particular reason except for he had a crying meltdown as he was going out the door with dad. I was suppose to be sleeping in. Bug woke me at eight. not really rested as I had 101 visits to the bathroom to pee in the middle of the night. He should have gone to preschool. Kinda irked me that hubby gave in so quickly. but I wasnt there, and I trust hubby....

Mowed the front and back lawn this am. looks good. But tired me out for the rest of the day. Bug and I were outside earlier until the black flies and misquotes drove me in. Even with bug spray on. So we played Candy Land. Bug won both times. Now he is watching the magic school bus and climbing on the large plastic laundry basket.

I wish I could be entertained so easily. I'm so bored with myself. Like right now....