nap? what nap?

So maybe the doc was on to something when she said stop napping, sit on someone else's couch, talk to people on the phone and get off your computer..... I am not crazy.

Yesterday marked day four with no nap. I've been painting picture frames, letters of Hannah's name and a clock to match the color of the butterflies the previous owner stamped on her wall. (it was her babies room as well) The four picture frames will hold butterflies that Bug has drawn and be on the biggest wall in her room. The lettering when I finish attaching the ribbon to them will hang on the wall over looking her crib.

I got the blood work back from Monday's dr. visit. and everything is fine, except I am slightly anemic. Which isn't a surprise since I tend to be outside of pregnancy as well. So yet another pill. I am beginning to feel like your local pharmacy. But at least it's nothing serious.

Starting to wash all the Hannah clothes to hang in her closet and put in her drawers. one of my favorite outfits for her from carters shrunk. So bummed. I think it would fit a dolly now. I picked up her xmas outfit the other day. it's white with red snowflakes and a red ribbon down the leg and across the chest as if she is a present. It's adorable. I have her going home from the hospital outfit. Bug wore a multi striped pants/sweatshirt fleece outfit that my sister-in-law brought to the hospital from her house that my niece outgrew cause he was born early and the bag we had packed had a warm weather outfit in it and the day we were to be released it was raining, windy and chilly. I thought it would be neat if they wore similar outfits. His was more basic colors and a bit big, but did the job. Her's has girly colors and should be just her size. I can't wait to see her in it.

I've been looking for nursing nighties and bras. no luck. I did find a nursing book at a consignment shop yesterday for a buck. It was written in 99 revised four times. but the only other book Ive found is at borders and written in 2000. Not much of a difference except the price. So i thought. Ive read info on line. At Kellymom.com as well as ivillage. as well as the nursing chapters in other pregnancy books. and some of the book I've read so far is a little out of date. But the technique of latching is really informative and that means something...

any suggestion on books for nursing. Nursing clothes? I can't seem to find any for larger woman and long sleave for winter. ugh.

time to empty the bladder and find breakfast.

Am I really Crazy?

I was told by my OB on Monday that bed rest is making me go crazy. I need to do stuff. Uhhh. OOOO.K. I said, you do realize you put me on bed rest. She laughed and said yup. and you still are, but you need to do SOMETHING. around the house. have people come over, visit. Get off the computer, dont nap so much.

So I am crazy. All my symptoms last weekend were in my head cause the baby and I are fine. Super.

yesterday I took a short trip to walmart. shhhh. dont tell. then I got home, walked across the street to a neighbors house cause it was her bday and I wanted to give her chocolate and card. visited for an hour (lounged on her couch the whole time). Came home, sat for an hour. Took Bug to the dentist. then home and plopped on the couch. tired. I felt good. I did alot. Little sore, and tired. But felt good to get out...

after dinner I was like... whoa. I'm done. Watched a c/s video with popcorn. lol In bed by nine. toss and turned. as tired as I was I couldnt sleep. Finally around 11:30 I drifted off. slept ok. not great. Up this morning. I had to take Bug to the bus stop cause MIL wanted to go to Church early.

I went to bus stop. not feeling great. Not off, just not at my best. I am home now. trying to stay up. Trying to get the energy to do something. I'm home alone. missing voices. even MIL. I think yesterday I did too much and now I am just an emotional zombie, wanting to cry for no reason. My legs hurt. Ankles hurt. tired. eyes hurt. exhausted really.

I'm trying to be more positive. All I feel like I do is complain.

Yesterday marked a whole month longer with Hannah labor free, unlike Bug, who scared the shit out of us with 18 hours of preterm labor. Only 7 wks 6 days till c/s AND she might come a little early which will be cool as long as it's after 36 wks.

I found her xmas eve outfit for my in-laws Italian Christmas, which is one of my all time favorite days of the year. with all that I have been through this year and with this pregnancy, God will not take this day away from me. He will reward me. I can't imagine NOT being able to go. And to be able to take hannah-girl would be the topper on the cake.

I am going to miss xmas, multiple nieces and nephew bdays, my sisters bday, and Thanksgiving all with my family. I am NOT going to miss out on Xmas eve with InLaws.

I am excited to work on Hannah's room. All I have in there is Bug's dresser, with the changing table portion sitting next to it. waiting for Hubby to put it on to make it a changing table. The toddler bed (crib with missing parts, now borrowing a crib from a friend) has sat for two weeks. with hubby saying for two weeks that it was on his agenda to take apart for storage- for when hannah is old enough for a toddler bed. It hasnt been done so I did that yesterday. Tired of waiting.

Hubby says I have to wait until after baby shower to purchase anything for the room. The "surprise" shower is this weekend- in my eyes. Too many oopsy clues leads me to believe this. twin's wife calling to say she wont be up this weekend but will come the following weekend to visit, sister saying she was gonna come up and visit to keep me company and then calling to say she is sick and wont make it. (neither two ever come my way out of the blue, I usually have to beg them), cake lady calling MIL (for no reason...ahhh right) Hubby suggesting he take Bug to the movies on Sunday the day after I tell him that there was no way I could sit in a theater right now to watch some movie he was dying to see. he changes it to some other "family" activity we can do with all of us. Bowling where I can sit and watch...whatever. My BFF from college just moved to FL. (Bitch, j/k) and I talked to her as if I knew the date and she was like, oh I am so sorry I can't make it up there, but I can't get off work and afford two tickets a month from each other...the only thing that is throwing off this weekend idea is Auntie S, one of my closest friends and Bug's Godmother as well as Hannah's- is on vacation in Hawaii and wont be home this weekend. Can we really have a shower without her? I am not sure how I feel if the answer is yes. Oh well.

OK. lost steam. just pray that my crazy insanity subsides. Too much time in my own head, with my own thoughts, that never really change with the day.

31 wks

31wks today. 8 wks until c/s. 5 wks until I start to do cartwheels to help her along.

told by my really cool and honest OB (who I really like a lot) that I am going crazy on bed rest. glad it's official.

Great Appt.

Today's appt. at the OB and GD doc went super well. So well that they dont want to see me for two weeks.

Hannah-Girl is doing awesome. She is kicking and moving and breathing. She even has HAIR. YeS HAIR!!!!

We didn't get any good pics. U/S tech seemed like a bitch and not patient friendly at all. She didn't even attempt 3D. Didn't "play" for us at all. there was a u/s tech in training and it was like she was showing off for her. But had no personality at all. All business.


I even asked about checking the cervical length and she said that there wasn't a request for it. She went and asked the doc. and he said not to bother cause I was now 30 wks and there was no way of "measuring" if it's on target or not. No chart to compare it. OOOOO.K.

Bummer.

Meeting with L my GD doc and she as super pleased with my sugars. We went to 10 mg in morning and 5 in the evenings with Glyburide. My sugars seem to have settled. She doesn't need to see me for two weeks. Super. That is awesome.

So there it is. Good news. ALL around.

OH. except for the fact I learned why I have to pee every two seconds. Hannah is literally. LITERARLY sitting on my bladder. Her butt is pressed right up against it. Fantastic.

30 wks.

Holy-crap-o-la.

yesterday marked 30 wks. WOOT! WOOT!

tomorrow is my wkly u/s. Anxious to hear what my cervical length is.

quick note

How do get a kid who is just over the line of too sick to go to school but still has a enough energy to bounce around the house to slow down and take a nap. I dont think the nap is going to happen.

But I did get him to sit on the couch to watch tv. maybe through out the day he will fall asleep. PLEASE fall asleep.

I am not feeling so great myself. Not sure if I am coming down with what he has, that would suck. But I did get the flu shot so shouldnt that repel every bad bug that comes this way? LOL

My GD meds were increased to the highest dosage this morning before going to insulin. I am feeling so shaky. Not good. I have a job interview in an hour and half and all I want to do is go to bed. I hate having to do this. it's not like they are going to hire me. Not as big as I am.

On a fun note I borrowed a pair of maternity pants from my neighbor. she is a size below me. I wasn't so sure they were going to fit...but they do! That is awesome.

sensitive

According to yesterday's appt. everything with the baby is fine. But in my mind I am nervous. My cervix went from 4cm to 3cm. Peri doesn't think it's concerning. But come on. I dont buy it. Not that I am trying to borrow trouble. I am just really nervous.

I walked to the bus stop yesterday after my OB appt. and when I got back I had what felt like small contractions until I sat for over an hour. After that I just hurt.

My reg. OB thinks my Peri is wrong. Peri thinks I will go around 39 wks. OB who sees me and hears me in person and not just look at my u/s pic thinks I'll go closer to 34 wks.

If I get off the couch, she is probably right. But guess what I have to do on Tuesday... I have a job interview. stupid I know. This is why I am on "unofficial" bed rest. I have been on unemployment and actively looking for a job since I was laid off in Jan. I should have listened to my Dad and gone into teaching instead of social services. granted I have been working in the schools, and even teaching the special ed. students from time to time. But my degree isn't in teaching. Damn it should be...anyways back to unemployment.

No one wants to hire a pregnant lady but to keep my benefits active until I actually go into the hospital, I have to keep putting in my resume each week. I haven't had any bites. Until the other day. The sad thing is. If i wasnt majorly pregnant-- I would want this job. It's for case management. Which other then working in the school it's the next best thing. I like teaching people how to empower themselves and take care of their families. So yea. interview next week.

Other then that I am on the couch. That includes tomorrow while the whole family goes to Pumpkin land. I LOVE pumpkin land. I hate that I am going to miss it. which has started me feeling grumpy and sorry for myself. I cant get past it. I dont know how to change the missing out feeling. I am missing out on so much. I am lonely and tired of my own company.

last weeks appt. and long weekend

Sorry for the delay, I am so tired these days and the pregnancy is all I think about, so it's hard sometimes. I just need a break from it.

This is part of an email I sent Mary and I am being lazy and using parts of it as a cheat so I dont have to re-write.

u/s went well. uneventful really. I didnt even get pictures, which I didnt realize until two days later. She is now breached. I know exactly when that happened. It's kinda interesting knowing my body so well at times and Hannah. She is 2.10 pounds. my cervical length has shortened a little, but still at a good length. I'm continue to have lovely pains when I walk or do anything other then pee. I just tried to pick up the living room and my lower uterus parts hurts. So I am done. Not worth it.

I had a non-stress test to determine if I am contracting, but she was good. Like always. She never likes to perform for others. Bug isnt patient enough to wait with his hand on my stomach to feel her kick, but this afternoon he saw her kick and my belly jump. He thought it was super cool. Huge GRIN!!!

I got the go ahead to go to Kohls for a quick visit. With the hopes of using a wheel chair. No wheel chair so I said, the hell with it and walked. Damn it if Hannah didnt have me bent over near the boys department. That was my cue to go home. I am still told to stay off my feet, but was encouraged to cook and go on trips to Bug's bus stop. Depending on how I am feeling. Just so I dont turn to jelly. No more shopping trips though and no lifting laundry or going up and down the stairs.

I spoke with my GD specialist who I love. I'm doing all I can to stay on pills, but I called her Friday with some crazy ass high numbers from Thursday and Friday. So she bumped me up to 7.25 mg for both day and night meds. If this doesnt work, I'll go to a full blown ten for each. If that doesnt work I will go to four shots daily of insulin. YEAH. But over the long weekend as my body started getting used to the higher doses my sugar level plummeted. I'm not suppose to go below a 60 count, but four times I was in
the 40's. My lips had gone numb, eye sight wacky. I was shaky and blah. I slept for two days. With an alarm or person waking me to take sugars or eat something. I emailed GD Doc to remember she doesn't work Tuesday...Great. I have an OB appt. tomorrow just a check in. With a u/s and GD visit on Thursday.

I am so sick of feeling blah. sick of watching sugars. watching what I eat to either have my sugars soar or drop with eating the same thing. I am bummed that I have to miss so much of Fall happenings with Bug. Cause they aren't handicap accessible. (pumpkin patch/country fair/corn maze. Missing step sister's baby shower (her due date was four days before mine). Missing turkey day back home, if I go to c/s date then I will be in hospital for xmas, missing My favorite two days of the year. christmas eve at my husbands grandmother's house (THE BEST) and xmas morning here at the house for a big waffle breakfast with immediate family.

I pray, please, please Hannah come early, in Dec, but before the 22nd.

Prayer List

It's been a tough go of it for many of my blogger friends. I wish we all lived closer so that we can give real hugs. Not many know what we IFers go through. None of it is easy.

Please keep in your Prayers

Mary who is 24 wks pregnant and experiencing contractions. She has a special place in my heart as she is the one who talked me into creating my own blog. Without her, I wouldnt have the rest of you.

Jennifer who has just experienced her third m/c. After having two D/C she opted to go natural with this loss and last night ended up in the hospital to endure emergency surgery.

Stacie,, my dear sock it to me buddy. She has beautiful twin boys who have had quite the adventures this past summer. As things settle for the boys stacie m/c at 7 wks. so far her body isn't cooperating to allow the next step in IVF to happen.

Hillary who is due with her little girl at the end of the month. Holy Cow, That went fast.

Suraita who is something like 25 wks pregnant with a little girl. She is new to blogging and a delight to read. Some of her fun challenges are unicornuate uterus, PCOS, MTHFR, and a prothrombin gene mutation. lets pray that girl keeps on growing and stays right where she needs to be for the time being.

Melissa has a beautiful little girl, E. She and her husband have been trying for baby #2 for two years now. With two m/c. Her body continues to betray her.

And me....
bed rest, GD out of control and a son who is beginning to feel the effects of the pregnancy.

If I missed anyone, dont be offended. You all are amazing woman and always in my prayers.

so it begins...BUG

We have been totally honest with Bug. We have to because he is a smart kid. If we give him sugar coated answers to why Mommy can't wrestle with him or get my butt of the couch he will keep asking. So we told him. He is my little GD cop and makes sure I eat and dont eat crap. And now with bed rest we said, You tried to come early and now to make sure Hannah stays safe and healthy Mommy has to do this, so she doesnt come early...

But why can't she come early....we'll if she comes too early she could be really sick or even die. Which would be really sad. We dont want her to be sick.

So, he has been great. we have quiet time on the couch. I read him stories and we watch his cartoons, we play the wii, matchbox cars (barf me). he seems to be doing ok. More clingy since I went on bed rest. But ok.

I sent an email to his K teacher telling her I wont be able to attend the parent meeting regarding parent helpers in the classroom (I so wanted to be that Mom). and gave her an update on the bed rest and please keep an eye on Bug to make sure that he is still doing ok...

well guess what her response is. he seems a bit distracted and has had to sit out at group time on several occasions due to not listening and talking out of turn. She said this is new behavior for him.

Which makes sense since I just went on bed reset. then he makes a comment last night about how me being pregnant makes him sad. He wants me to climb up on his new loft bed and I cant. But he doesn't want Hannah to die. Hmmmmm. Red flags. Maybe we are a little too honest. I dont know. We dont go into detail. just general. so hhmmm. what to do. I'm worried.

we talk to him both hubby and I at different occasions to put his listening ears on at school and try to see where he is at emotionally. I dont want this transition in his life to be traumatic, I want the birth of his sister to be joyous.

His K teacher suggest something...lets have him meet with the social worker here at school. Give him a safe place to talk while playing games. Great idea. Give him that one on one attention. then SW can let us know where he is at. Help us with keeping Bug happy and excited for a new sister without worrying himself to death.

He is such a compationate little boy. I hope that never changes.

c/s date scheduled...update

Spoke with the OB office today. The c/s is scheduled for Dec. 22. the day after my birthday.

But honestly. I hope she comes like a week or two earlier then that. As of Saturday I will have been pregnant for 200 days. I love that I am pregnant. I just want my Hannah healthy in my arms.
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update
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spoke to my GD specialist as my mid day (breakfast and lunch) sugars continue to be high. We are now upping the morning med. Constant tweaking. We knew that was a possibility. Hopefully this will do it. My sugars will even out. I think part of the reason I dont feel so hot lately is that they are so high. PLUS high sugars make you pee more. enough of that already. I feel like I spend more time walking to the bathroom then I do on bed rest.

I read in one of my baby books that at 28 wks the baby will respond to light. So I tried a flashlight. Her kicking increased and she moved across my stomach. It was really cool.


We got Bugs xmas shopping done this weekend. I looked cute riding in the stores scooter carts. man those things are slow. But I know I would not have been able to shop if I had to walk around. The next day we went into another store that didn't have a handicap scooter and just simply walking to the toy section drained me of energy. I didnt feel like shopping. So we left. Glad that is over and done with. Still have neices and nephews to shop for, but that wasn't as important as getting Bug's stuff. I can shop on line for them I suppose.

yesterday

Yesterday exhausted me. I way over did it and my Dr. would have a fit if she knew what I did.

So I had my appt. with DB specialist yesterday. I am doing ok. Mid day sugars are still a little more independent then we want them to be. Might have to up morning meds if they dont settle. OK no biggy.

They did say I also have to go in once a week for DB monitoring AND once a week for u/s. WOW.

They also said I can't go to Pumpkin Land or Apple picking because it's way too much walking. Long day. This is going to be tough for me. these are fall traditions that I look forward to each year. I mean my favorite things to do out of the year. I have a few that i just dont ever want to miss. Even bigger then Thanksgiving and my own Bday. Again very tough.

Yesterday I didn't lay down, I sat but not lay down. I went to the city for my appt. on the way home I stopped at FIL. ended up staying a couple hours so he could go to work for an hour to finish something up, while I wait for the FEDEX guy and keep an eye on disabled step-MIL. I sat doing that.

Then I went to our neighbors Jr. High Soccer Game. It meant the world to her that I was there. But it rained a little bit and we stood the whole time, plus walking to the field. (She knows I am on bed rest so it really meant a lot to her. I did tell her unfortunately I wouldnt be able to make it to any other game. But I really wanted to see her play at least once. She beamed)

Then to Bug's soccer practice where I had to walk to his field, thankfully he carried my chair for me. Such a big boy. Hubby met me there after work. Thought it best not to go to any more practices. Which broke my heart, I know he is right, and it made me tear up right then and there.

By the time I got home it was really late. My back was killing me. I even had a back spasm that made me drop. I ended up eating supper laying down on the couch. I took a short bath to warm up. I was chilled to the bone, then laid in bed to watch Survivor and bed early.

I was so tired I only got up twice to use bathroom. I even woke up laying on my stomach. WHAT. I am 27 wks. My stomach is huge. Not comfortable. Feel a little crampy this morning. but all is fine.

Bug kissed me awake this morning. It was very cute. He was super tired and sensitive. I so wanted to keep him home today. Can't though he is in K. It's picture day and if I kept him home he would think it's ok to cry and stay home again another time. Damn. So I got Bug ready to go and MIL walked him to the bus. I took sugars, good reading for once in AM. had breakfast, watched Bones and getting ready to go lay down. It's only 9:30, but I am ready for a nap.

Going away this weekend for a quiet anniversary in the city. Chose that just b/c it's close to the hospital in case I needed. God forbid. Instead of going out we will just end up chilling in the room, watching movies in bed, no sex (nothing in vagina rule still stands---minus dr. hand and other not so fun monitoring devices OUCH). Sorry TMI

Not quite the get away I imagined our anny, but still looking forward to it. I can't wait to have hubby all to myself. At least the DB specialist said I can have a treat. yeah. then back on track next weekend. yeah.