Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Am I really Crazy?

I was told by my OB on Monday that bed rest is making me go crazy. I need to do stuff. Uhhh. OOOO.K. I said, you do realize you put me on bed rest. She laughed and said yup. and you still are, but you need to do SOMETHING. around the house. have people come over, visit. Get off the computer, dont nap so much.

So I am crazy. All my symptoms last weekend were in my head cause the baby and I are fine. Super.

yesterday I took a short trip to walmart. shhhh. dont tell. then I got home, walked across the street to a neighbors house cause it was her bday and I wanted to give her chocolate and card. visited for an hour (lounged on her couch the whole time). Came home, sat for an hour. Took Bug to the dentist. then home and plopped on the couch. tired. I felt good. I did alot. Little sore, and tired. But felt good to get out...

after dinner I was like... whoa. I'm done. Watched a c/s video with popcorn. lol In bed by nine. toss and turned. as tired as I was I couldnt sleep. Finally around 11:30 I drifted off. slept ok. not great. Up this morning. I had to take Bug to the bus stop cause MIL wanted to go to Church early.

I went to bus stop. not feeling great. Not off, just not at my best. I am home now. trying to stay up. Trying to get the energy to do something. I'm home alone. missing voices. even MIL. I think yesterday I did too much and now I am just an emotional zombie, wanting to cry for no reason. My legs hurt. Ankles hurt. tired. eyes hurt. exhausted really.

I'm trying to be more positive. All I feel like I do is complain.

Yesterday marked a whole month longer with Hannah labor free, unlike Bug, who scared the shit out of us with 18 hours of preterm labor. Only 7 wks 6 days till c/s AND she might come a little early which will be cool as long as it's after 36 wks.

I found her xmas eve outfit for my in-laws Italian Christmas, which is one of my all time favorite days of the year. with all that I have been through this year and with this pregnancy, God will not take this day away from me. He will reward me. I can't imagine NOT being able to go. And to be able to take hannah-girl would be the topper on the cake.

I am going to miss xmas, multiple nieces and nephew bdays, my sisters bday, and Thanksgiving all with my family. I am NOT going to miss out on Xmas eve with InLaws.

I am excited to work on Hannah's room. All I have in there is Bug's dresser, with the changing table portion sitting next to it. waiting for Hubby to put it on to make it a changing table. The toddler bed (crib with missing parts, now borrowing a crib from a friend) has sat for two weeks. with hubby saying for two weeks that it was on his agenda to take apart for storage- for when hannah is old enough for a toddler bed. It hasnt been done so I did that yesterday. Tired of waiting.

Hubby says I have to wait until after baby shower to purchase anything for the room. The "surprise" shower is this weekend- in my eyes. Too many oopsy clues leads me to believe this. twin's wife calling to say she wont be up this weekend but will come the following weekend to visit, sister saying she was gonna come up and visit to keep me company and then calling to say she is sick and wont make it. (neither two ever come my way out of the blue, I usually have to beg them), cake lady calling MIL (for no reason...ahhh right) Hubby suggesting he take Bug to the movies on Sunday the day after I tell him that there was no way I could sit in a theater right now to watch some movie he was dying to see. he changes it to some other "family" activity we can do with all of us. Bowling where I can sit and watch...whatever. My BFF from college just moved to FL. (Bitch, j/k) and I talked to her as if I knew the date and she was like, oh I am so sorry I can't make it up there, but I can't get off work and afford two tickets a month from each other...the only thing that is throwing off this weekend idea is Auntie S, one of my closest friends and Bug's Godmother as well as Hannah's- is on vacation in Hawaii and wont be home this weekend. Can we really have a shower without her? I am not sure how I feel if the answer is yes. Oh well.

OK. lost steam. just pray that my crazy insanity subsides. Too much time in my own head, with my own thoughts, that never really change with the day.


  1. i spend hours playing bejeweled but i guess that's on the computer. Maybe go to the library and find some good books? online shopping? Write some letters?

    ((HUGS)) I wish you didn't live so far :(