sensitive

According to yesterday's appt. everything with the baby is fine. But in my mind I am nervous. My cervix went from 4cm to 3cm. Peri doesn't think it's concerning. But come on. I dont buy it. Not that I am trying to borrow trouble. I am just really nervous.

I walked to the bus stop yesterday after my OB appt. and when I got back I had what felt like small contractions until I sat for over an hour. After that I just hurt.

My reg. OB thinks my Peri is wrong. Peri thinks I will go around 39 wks. OB who sees me and hears me in person and not just look at my u/s pic thinks I'll go closer to 34 wks.

If I get off the couch, she is probably right. But guess what I have to do on Tuesday... I have a job interview. stupid I know. This is why I am on "unofficial" bed rest. I have been on unemployment and actively looking for a job since I was laid off in Jan. I should have listened to my Dad and gone into teaching instead of social services. granted I have been working in the schools, and even teaching the special ed. students from time to time. But my degree isn't in teaching. Damn it should be...anyways back to unemployment.

No one wants to hire a pregnant lady but to keep my benefits active until I actually go into the hospital, I have to keep putting in my resume each week. I haven't had any bites. Until the other day. The sad thing is. If i wasnt majorly pregnant-- I would want this job. It's for case management. Which other then working in the school it's the next best thing. I like teaching people how to empower themselves and take care of their families. So yea. interview next week.

Other then that I am on the couch. That includes tomorrow while the whole family goes to Pumpkin land. I LOVE pumpkin land. I hate that I am going to miss it. which has started me feeling grumpy and sorry for myself. I cant get past it. I dont know how to change the missing out feeling. I am missing out on so much. I am lonely and tired of my own company.