message from my MOM

So as I have proudly stated before, I live in Maine. My mom grew up poor the daughter of a lobster fisherman. Although many of my extended family have thick maine accents, mom didnt really. But she always said "Ayup". A famous Maine saying for yes. I think she was just using it in a good natured mockery of her family...It was her thing anyways.

The other day I was in the car driving home in the dark and listening to the radio thinking about how much my Mom was missing with my son and this pregnancy. There was a new song (country) on the radio and it talked about a woman who died and was taken away by angels. In the song it says that she is happy with God and not to worry. the song ends. Immediately a car drives by me. All I can see is the license plate. It's a vanity plate that says "Ayup". I had to smile. I said out loud..."got the message, Mom"

Wait there is more...if that didn't cause goose bumps.

We are in the process of turning the den into the baby's room. Hubby found two dvd that came from our crappy video camera. On it it says that they are from when Bug was four months old. We dont have many vidoes from when he was a baby. So I was excited. unfortunately one didnt work, damn crappy video camera.

The second one I put in and immediately I see a hand feeding Bug what looked like peas. I knew right away it was my Mom. there were ten minutes of interaction between my Mom and Bug. She looked so healthy. On the video I captured her singing Grand-me-me-me to Bug, trying to teach him her name. in her goofy sing song voice. This is how she got her name as Meme. She would sing that to Bug and he eventually started calling her that. It was a wonderful moment to have captured on film. I always told Bug the story of how she got her name, but there it was for him to see. I never knew I had filmed that. I dont ever recall seeing this dvd. I was in tears watching it. It was her voice. I could feel the love she had for Bug and I just know she has the same love for my baby-girl.

All this has been happening in these past two weeks that have been wicked hard for me. So there is no way I can doubt that she is here with me. She is. It's not the same. Not the same by far. But to see her and hear her voice out of the blue and to hear and see the message on a dark country road... it just warms me to know that as much as I miss her and cry (read sob) from missing her, she is with me. I have to keep reminding myself that.