Thursday, March 12, 2009

Finally....Melt down.

Through out this entire process I've kept a cool head. A little teary when I got the "we think you might have a UU" comment with no details or confirmation for a month until a second test could be done to know for sure, but no real break down. All that changed last night. I had a weird day with Bug being home ill. Spent most of the day hanging out with him on the couch. I love my time with him. Even though he was ill. Any time with him makes me happy. It was later, much later after hugs and kisses and hours after he had been asleep for the night. I broke down. I sobbed. hard. Everything came crashing down. I wasn't brave or optimistic. I was scared that this dream that hubby and I have wont happen.

I'm devastated that my Mom isn't around to talk to about all this. It's been three years since she has been gone and it feels just like yesterday that I felt her heart stop under my trembling hand. I miss her voice. Her gentle but firm get a grip advice. Her hugs. She was my best friend. It is hard to go through this without her. I lean on Hubby a lot.

I miss that friendship I had with my Mom. A woman's perspective to all this. A woman who after four kids, that including a set of twins, and having her tubes tied became pregnant three years later. For generations on both sides of my family the woman had four plus children. It's kinda mind boggling that I would have half a uterus and MTHFR. Mind boggling.


  1. Just wanted to send some hugs your way. I'm a fellow UU girl myself :-)