Thursday, March 19, 2009

stressing out

I called the agency back that I interviewed for yesterday. Saying we could work with the (horrendous) hours. But the more I think about it the more I am stressing over not being home during those hours. I would never see Bug or hubby. It's not like I could call them as the hours are night time hours. I have an anxiety disorder. Something I have dealt with all my life, even in childhood. The one thing that really triggers it is being away from home. Even if its at work five minutes down the road. Plus not getting enough sleep.

I am also worried at how me working these hours will effect Bug. He will be starting t-ball this spring and has cherub choir at church on Thursdays. I am the one who takes him. Grandparents would have to take him since Hubby works 30 min. away and doesn't get home until 6 at night. On a good night. He has often worked 50-60 hr weeks.

Hubby says this is short term. get us out of the pit and to start saving again, especially if we are going to have a new baby....eventually. Kinda have to see each other for that wont we. Hubby said if the roles were reversed he would do it. But it's my choice. As if. That comment right there took my choice out of it. He is trying to be supportive, really trying. But also in this time in our economy if a job is offered then I should take it. Doesn't really give me room to make a choice does it.

The more I think about it the more anxious I get. The more depressed. If they call and want a second interview I pretty much think I got the job, since there are only three candidates. Honestly, I hope I don't get this job. then this whole thing would be out of my hands, out of my control. I am really good at selling myself though. There isn't a job that I have applied for and not gotten. I hope that jinxed me and I wont get this one.


  1. Good luck, i hope you don't get the job ;)

    Man alive, it sounds like that was a horrible year for you!! Yeah, I think i will always feel weird about this nephew, but i'm not close to his parents anyway, so in the long run it really won't matter i guess.

    Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot to me!


  2. Awesome job hitting up the gym!! How are you feeling??

    yeah i don't ovulate regularly and we've been trying for over a year and half for #2, so onto IUI.

    last year i had a miscarriage and then the following week one of my friends committed suicide. shortly after that my relationship with my MIL deteriorated...and now the cancer with my mom. such is life....ugh.

  3. "Hubby said if the roles were reversed he would do it. But it's my choice."

    That is exactly the kind of passive/aggressive thing my dh would say. GAH!!!!